Virtual Architecture

by Nancy Babich

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02:34

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released January 1, 2016

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Nancy Babich Ithaca, New York

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Track Name: Public Films, Private Photographs
Swallowing pills keeps me happy
and this joy comes at a price
My shell protects me with isolation
Sorry I don't call you back anymore
Sorry I don't message you anymore

Happiness is a narcotic
Numbness can be your inner joy
Just for today
Tomorrow is suffering

Swallowing pills keeps me happy
and this joy comes at a price.
My shell protects me with isolation
Sorry I don't call you back anymore
Sorry I don't message you anymore
I lost my words and my voice has been put on hold

Don't wait for the last judgement, it happens everyday
What fools they make of us and what fools we are
Track Name: Fault Lines
So predictable, self-justified
Answers you already know, no substitute for actions
So we slash and burn
Pile on contradictions
Let the weight crush us alive
Internal incongruencies form fault lines
I move by touch, I study things that shouldn't have names
I try and try to do everything for reasons and cover it with words
One part always focused, the rest is always noise
Disconnect me from tactile input, make me material like an idol
I'm seeking a simple, drastic solution to all of my problems and all my confusions
I can't stay silent but I'd rather die than speak sometimes
Track Name: Smoke and Mirror
Last cigarette after last cigarette

Putting it on to take it off
Every every every every day
Talking in numbers, it turns me on
When words don't signify except inside

You're like light to a mirror

It's cultural, can't root it out
Derealization, keep my soul alive
It's in the words, it's in the music
It's in the text, it's in the the graven images you use
I try to trust through every day
Push away the thought that it's illusion
Track Name: 5.1 Sv
You'll take everything that you can get your hands on
and poison the ground beneath your feet
with every step you take
That which will kill you
is everywhere you are
It's in the water
It's broadcasted on every channel

You'll keep on talkin your talk
Saying what you think is objective
You'll keep on walkin your walk
Marching to the drums you were born to follow
I know your truth, please listen to mine
Y'all are just nothing but harbingers of hatred

It's inside your dreams after you fall asleep
It's inside of me just like everybody else
You need to find it
You need to fight it
But No No
Track Name: One Wrong Move
I don't think that this is right
And I can't stand to be home tonight
Watching you throw yourself away
Cause I can't say what you want me to say

What's going on inside of your head?
I can't explain it . . . I thought that I had...
You slowly change your habits of belief
You slowly fall into denial

It freaks me out to feel so weak
You're the reason why I can't speak
I burn through myself by living like this
I'm living to prove that love can't exist

This freedom is a loss to me
Your happiness will never let me be

What's going on inside of your head?
What do you want, want me to say?

You've always been the only one
Who knew how to make me come undone
I CAN'T STAND IT
One wrong move and I am falling
Track Name: Leaning
Leaning
Leaning
Safe and secure from all alarms

Leaning
Leaning
Leaning on the everlasting arms

Oh what a fellowship
Oh what a joy divine
Leaning on the everlasting arms

Oh what a blessedness
Oh what a peace is mine
Leaning on the everlasting arms
Track Name: Sure
I must make every step appear sure
Perfection based on unknown rules
These cycles started so long ago
I'm only trying to sneak through between the gears
What if what I'm seeking just doesn't exist?
How should I pattern my behavior to please you?
To make myself acceptable
When I know that it is all chemical

Мы идём мы идём мы идём
Мы идём на пролом
Не жалея не жалея не жалея себя
Идём идём идём идём
Track Name: Free Time Plus Panic (Equals Me)
Getting out of bed at three in the afternoon
What's the point, what's the point
Your never gonna leave this room
Staring at the screen to see something new
Everything feels the same as yesterday
and yesterday hurt just like the day before

I'm putting the outside inside
and putting the inside outside
I can't survive keeping this all bottled up now
But nobody can live with their insides out

Nature occurs where we allow it to occur
We work to sustain our lifeless void
I feel too sick to know what's good
Can't tell myself from a snare
So I'll stay trapped deep inside myself
Track Name: Obstructionist Points
My emotions are real when my reality isn't what's happening
Going the distance against mental illness
will make me a shell of who I am
So I'll go with it and follow the current
and get carried away from what everybody else sees
The world is not against me when I think everyone hates me

My emotions are real they feel real to me
and then I really don't care what anyone else thinks
I'll just keep thinking about all these things
that can't possibly happen
So I'll go with it and follow the current
and run through the tunnel that's killing me
I am not in danger every time I think the walls are closing in

I've been remembering places from dreams a lot
or maybe I've been there in real life I don't actually remember
Seeing people I've never seen before
or maybe I've seen them before
in states that I don't remember

Is it me or you? Is it you or me?
If it's you against me it's over for me
I'll take your fear and put it on my fear
Maybe we can stay safer stay together

But I'm still scared I don't know where I am
I don't know where I am going from here

Protect each other and get some meaning some coherence
What will it signify when it's done if it signifies anything at all
A scream in the night in the other room
You hear me through the wall
Track Name: Image
Wake up in a panic again
Keep your head together
Stay calm and move on and on and on and on

Checked out a little while ago
It's all graven images
Leading me back to the present on and on and on and on

Oh there's no cheaper material
Words are expendable, explanations secondary
The value's in the spaces

I don't trust the English language
I don't trust the English language
I don't trust the English language
I don't trust the English language

I want to wreck these frames
Erase these laughtracks
Unfuck this image from inside

Sometimes I'd rather say less than enough
When the time for choice comes,
We are finally divided
Into those who can and those who can't
The inescapable binary of action
A choice to be made


I want to WRECK THOSE FRAMES
Erase these laughtracks
Unfuck this image from inside
Track Name: Change
Not prone, just gathering strength
The unsaid, the unspoken
Comes gushing forth in torrents

We are points diverging
You can scream if you want to
Though I know you don't want to

Everything will have effect in the end
You'll pay back for all that you owe
We're punished by our sins not for them
Don't you know?

And I can feel the end at hand
And I can feel a change about to come
Track Name: Revelation
I am a people pleaser
I am the epicenter
Energy holds us together
Energy will tear us apart

I don't know what I'm doing I am going to fuck this up
my life, my death, my resurrection

I'll never go to heaven
Everything that makes me human
is dragging me to hell
Maybe this is all in my head
but my head trip is my head trip
and it's all I have left
After everything is said

And I think I said too much